Parents invest significant resources in their children’s education with the expectation that it will prepare them for the future. We hope our children embrace education and its inherent value, but that is not always the case. 

Students will at times struggle, which is part of learning. When a student has ADHD or challenges with executive functions, it can be even more difficult, especially when it comes to communicating effectively with those children.

Naturally, parents lean in to help their student, but that does not always go as planned. Students can struggle with emotional regulation, time management, and task perseverance, leaving parents frustrated. If skill deficits are left unaddressed, the communication between parents and students can deteriorate, and tensions rise. 

So how can parents communicate effectively with children, both through their own actions and through the use of an academic coach?

As children progress through school, specifically into middle and high school, they crave independence and want to be self-reliant. This is good! When we as parents see them struggle, we can help by knowing how to communicate effectively about school and even when to give them space. 

Here are a few tips and tricks to improve conversations with your child about school.

4 Tips for Effective Communication with Your Child

1. Meet About School Regularly

Schedule a designated time during the week to have a meeting about academics. Keep it short, though, and limit the time to no more than 20 minutes. 

Imagine having a meeting with your boss every time they see you coming down the hall at the office, only to be reminded of the deal you lost. This is how your child feels when they’re asked constantly if they’ve turned in an assignment, how they did on a test, or whether they’re studying every available moment. 

Parents can make a great impact by respecting a student’s time and space to work on their academic responsibilities, supporting them like we would an adult or peer. When students are in middle school, the tone of conversations can and should change as it models to them how to communicate effectively, be held responsible, and meet ever-rising expectations.

2. Ask the Right Questions

Ask predictable but open-ended questions about your child’s school responsibilities. Inquire about the student, not their performance.  

Rather than, “Did you turn in all of your work this week?” try asking:

• How’s completing and turning in your work going?
• Is school getting any easier?
• Are you pleased with the outcome of your academics this week?
• What resources did you use? Were they helpful? 
• If you had to go back and do it again, what would you do differently? 
• Did you learn anything about yourself?
• How can I support you this weekend and next week? 
• How would you like to be held accountable? 

Let your student hold you accountable for something you’re working to improve, so you’re both communicating with one another effectively. This models that accountability is expected and not frightening. 

If your student has a processing delay or feels anxious about being put on the spot, give them the questions in writing prior to the meeting so they can prepare what they want to say. Generally speaking, students are more apt to communicate clearly when they have a chance to think about their responses and reflect.

3. Keep Calm

Remain emotionally neutral and supportive when communicating with your child about school. I know, this one can be difficult! As students, our children will disappoint us, become defensive, or seem unaware. 

However, delivering difficult information is part of what we do as adults. Teaching kids that sharing tough information is ok, and we as adults can be trusted.

4. Work with an Academic Coach

Share concerns with your academic coach that you would like to have addressed with your student. Parent-child relationships can be emotional, but students can be calmer with academic coaches, especially when things are tough. 

Academic coaches take time to build strong relationships with students so they can have the tough conversations when needed. Good academic coaches will see a myriad of student experiences and be able to sympathize with their situation, guiding students to better habits, skills, and self-acceptance. 

Use your academic coach to foster communication, letting your child practice how to communicate about school and share information with you. Over time and with practice, your child will build the confidence and competence they need to thrive. 

At Effective Students, our academic coaches are well-versed in facilitating this type of effective communication about school. Our goal is to support student development of executive function skills and the parent-child relationship as that process unfolds. Get in touch with our team today to get started working with an academic coach.